Evening Comics Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's leading entertainers spent their broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial program which permits international citizens to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.